Silver Linings
2020... Well It goes without saying...
Weeks have felt like months, months are feeling like years. I have no idea what day it is, ever. Every day for me kind of feels like Thursday is tomorrow but also it’s not a Wednesday. And my dreams? Very vivid, weird and emotional.
In a way, I’m glad for my experiences with severe anxiety because I’ve felt somewhat prepared for what we are going through. This whole situation feels like a test of my coping mechanisms and so far I’m doing okay.
I’m just glad my therapist got me very used to the idea of change, impermanence and what we’ve got control over before the pandemic really kicked in.
Like most creatives, I’ve needed to do some re-thinking: about what I’m doing with my time, what I can do with my creativity that could maybe bring a bit of good and joy to the world (or at least my circle of friends), just how exactly I am going to be working for the unforeseeable future. Some of those questions I was already asking myself after finishing a tour of hospitals JUST before the lockdown. Now I have to add, what am I physically able to do in the confines of my home, to the list.
For now, that’s just got to be okay.
Okay, so I may seem a little late in the game - especially seeing the amazing things other people have created in an immediate response to the pandemic - but I’m going to try to document and post a bit more on this blog. About the work I am starting to make from the very start, whats inspiring me (mostly within walking distance) and (of course!) the impact it’s having on my mental health and what I’m doing to nurture myself and my creativity.
Also, I’m restarting my blog (after over 2 years of nothing), partly out of loneliness. I won’t lie or try and hide it because thats not how I do things. (I’m all about that open-heart and open-mind) I’m feeling really lonely, not all the time and I’m lucky to be staying at home with my husband and dog, both who I quite like. But when the loneliness comes, it’s really crushing. The next few blog posts are a way of being human and reaching out to other humans because thats the other thing I want to be about.
Communication has become a bit weird for me too. I really miss faces, (decaf) coffee, cake and SILENCES. Video chats don’t seem to really accommodate silences so well. I REALLY REALLY miss talking about theatre. So I’m hoping the next few posts I make will be a collection of starting points for conversation. And the more I write, hopefully the better at writing and getting my point across I will get.
The last few years have been quite difficult and very up and down for me. As much as I have been working and puppeteering, my health, confidence and creativity has also taken a bit of a dive. I’ve been recovering a bit moe substantially over the last year or so thanks to a really lovely therapist and my loved ones. This blog is a concrete step in the right direction for my mental health and artistic recovery. Cos I miss being the artist I was and the human being I am.
The only silver lining of this catastrophe I know I can find (because it’s the only thing I CAN truly be in control) is how I respond to it. And so far I have been taking all this time i suddenly have to look after myself, I have to continue to learn to be kind and compassionate to myself, read books, build on my recovery and maybe finally make a bit of theatre. And I hope you don’t mind me sharing it with you.
And that this all makes sense!