Walking & Talking
(If it isn’t clear, I’m trying a bit of an experiment. I’m attempting to write a blog through dictation using the Otter app. I am also making the audio available which is below, so you can listen, or read, or both :))
JONI:Erm…
Well, at the moment, I'm walking through a woods. I can't tell if it's raining or if the last night, sort of, raindrops are just passing through the leaves of the trees.
It's all looking very beautiful, very green. And I'm just walking my dog.
DUG: WOOF!
JONI: *Laughs*
I think I've always wanted to write things down. Partly I think so that I can remember stuff. I think I try really hard to remember stuff without having to write things down.
But I know inevitably, I sort of have to start writing things down. But I think I also want to write things down to be able to share with other people and go, “Well, this is what I did. And these are the thoughts that I thought” in case they're useful.
And I think I always want to have some sort of blog. The main reason I still, you know, sort of hold on to a website is because I think I do like writing things down. I do like figuring things out. But I kind of find it, I guess, a bit harder and harder to either find the time or sometimes I'll sit down and I'll start writing things and it just… it just doesn't sound like me. I can never quite figure out what my voice is when I'm writing things… Because… I don't know if it's because I think we're told to be concise and clear in our writing, or because sometimes when I'm saying about some of the work that I've done, it's very much factual rather than feelings based and I'm a very feelings sort of person.
Or I think, yeah... or I don't know whether I have to obey grammar rules, because I think the way that I want to write is the way that I talk… And also, I think, because I am… one of the things that I really enjoyed when I was at university and when I did an MA is I really enjoyed the research, but there's a very particular way that you've got to talk about things. Which I kind of like, because I will really like delving into, in particularly with with theatre, but really like delving into-into moments. Delving into moments and also… Yeah, just unpacking things. But that takes time, and that takes research and sometimes I feel like I don't have that time or that research. Or yeah, it all comes down to time, doesn't it?
But then I started to realise that one of the things that I do a lot, and I think the way that I'm able to process information and process what I've done and process, what I want to do and the way that I think sometimes isn't necessarily through writing it down, isn't from finding the words to type out or write - although sometimes… that that process is very helpful! But I'm starting to realise that, for me, one of the ways that I best figure things out is through talking - through talking it through. Because I'm always thinking. I'm always thinking and I think - I think! - that… that I do always want to be able to take what's going on in my head and find the ways of communicating it. And I think sometimes maybe with writing, because I have got to remember how punctuation works and how grammar works and how spelling works and all of these things, it's never quick enough. And one of the things that I've started doing a lot more of…
(Oh, hang on, there's a lovely wind that’s going through the trees.
(*Nice Tree Sound*))
Where was I?
So yeah, one of the things that I started doing a lot more of is sending voice noteson WhatsApp, which I tend to do when I'm walking my dog.
(Oh, hang on. There's another dog walker.)
And I think it's just because that's, that's some time that I have relatively alone to speak to that person? It means that I can multitask. Sometimes it means that I end up recording very, very long voice messages. And these tends to be for people that I don't see as often. Or there's a, there's a time difference, like a timezone difference. So it's a way of staying in contact with… with those people. And I think maybe it is just having a bit of time, a bit of space to send those messages and to connect. And I've gotten to a real habit of, you know, phoning people leaving… leaving voice messages to the people that I want to connect to and I guess with what I want (as) for a blog I guess it is connection. I guess it's me connecting ideas but also to, sort of, connect with like minded people I guess, or to allow other people to make connections. So I've decided to, sort of, combine those two things.
To, I guess, be able to record myself and I've got an app that dictates what I say because I think it's important also to have two ways of engaging with this writing or, sort of, engaging with -I guess, it is writing, its text -
DUG: WOOF!… WOOF WOOF WOOF!
JONI: …it and to have little interruptions from my dog. He’s just happy to be out, you know?
But yeah, yeah, so just give different ways of engaging with this text, whether it is through reading or through listening. Or I don't know if there's other ways of doing that. But you know, I feel like I have the time and the space to talk and write as I walk. Just to get some ideas down and to give me the time and space to really think about things and really delve into things because I think through talking I will always find things that I won't necessarily get through sitting and writing. Maybe it's just because I'm-I'm moving about or I'm in nature or I'm doing something and that just allows a little bit of my brain to unlock.
But yeah, I just want to take some time to capture these moments. I didn't want it to become a podcast because I don't think… I don’t think what I've got say could hold a podcast! It doesn’t need an intro. It doesn't need an outro it doesn't need sponsorship…
DUG: Woof!
JONI:… it just needs me and my dog to be walking so I'm hoping to see whether this is just another way of, sort of, working with myself, you know, not forcing myself to sit down and write when it doesn't quite allow me to say what I want to say.
Or I second guess myself a lot more when it comes to writing. There seems to be more rules. But with talking? I don't know! I guess there's just… there's just less rules about it because I'm making up the rules.
And hopefully it just won't take me forever (Absolutely forever!) to edit.
But yeah, I guess this is me sort of pretending that I have someone to talk to while I'm walking and to tell about the things that I'm thinking of. And it's it's very lux- ugh! luxur- Uuuuuuh I can’t- see the only problem is when I don't always know how to pronounce words or I trip over- I trip over a lot of words! I get stuck on how to pronounce them.
It's a luxury (There we go!) It does feel like a luxury just to be able to talk and not to be interrupted. So I'm just gonna enjoy that as well!
But, I guess, I'm really open to people, you know, commenting, or responding or replying, you know, is this nice to listen to? I know this is more of an introduction, a, sort of, figuring out what this is. But is this nice? Do you want me to keep it limited? How do you want it to be available? Is there any other way that I can make this accessible?
But yeah, I'm just hoping as much as I'm, sort of, - Sorry, I'm just watching my dog to make sure… hang on
DUG!
So yeah! As much as I am pretending that someone is here and I am just sort of talking and talking and there's- there's not it's not a dialogue. I'm hoping that… Yeah, not a literal dialogue. I hope that in a way, it does become a dialogue. It does become something that people can respond to. Because I guess this is one way for me to, I don't know, send out some sort of - I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a tether or something - but I'm sending out a call for connection as well.
So yeah, this is what I'm going to try and do. It may be a one hit wonder! It may not work for anyone who's sort of taking this in. Feels like it's working for me, just talking things through. But if it doesn't work as as, sort of, taking… taking it on… receiving it, just let me know. Because otherwise I just won't put it on the internet. I'll just keep it for myself! Anyway thank you for listening or thank you for reading.
Erm… take care :)
Transcribed by https://otter.ai